The Grief Blog

Counselling Directory UK Press Release

2010-06-01T09:52:00.003-05:00

Press Release for Counselling Directory:

http://. www.counselling-directory.org.uk

A few years ago, a friend of ours found herself in a very daunting situation. After struggling with a number of issues and problems, she decided that counselling was a good option for her to help get her life back track. Her initial decision to go for counselling was undoubtedly one of the hardest parts of her entire therapy process, and a very brave one.

However, once she’d decided this, a whole new set of questions arose, and it became apparent that choosing the right counsellor, whilst perhaps not the hardest part of counselling, is undoubtedly one of the most important parts.

There are numerous issues to consider – practical and otherwise. What about, for example, location? Despite counsellors’ assured complete confidentiality people may prefer to see a counsellor that is perhaps outside their local area, but still in surroundings they are comfortable in. Our friend certainly didn’t want to run into anyone she knew, but at the same time needed to know where she was going.

As we were students at the time, money was a paramount issue. There are counsellors that offer reduced rates for students, and the unemployed or those seeking benefits, but how do you find them? No one wants to end up bartering with a counsellor over the price of their mental well being.

And what guarantees that the counsellor is the real deal? There are no laws in the UK that govern counselling, so what’s to stop anyone setting up shop to listen to people’s problems? There are qualifications and professional bodies, but these can often be confusing and over-whelming.

Counselling can take many different approaches – from person-based to psychoanalytic, and it’s important to choose a counsellor with an approach the person will be comfortable with and respond to well.

A daunting situation indeed, and it made us think. What if there was a website that collected all this information, so you could search for your where you live and the surrounding area and find a list of counsellors, with all their information, qualifications, and what areas they cover? Of course, a website like this didn’t exist. So we made one.

Counselling Directory was set up to provide a simple, easy, and most importantly un-daunting way of connecting people that need help with the people that provide it. A comprehensive searching tool, the site allows postcode, town and country searches, and produces a list of counsellors registered in this area. Each counsellor has a profile, listing a bit about themselves, their approaches, what areas they deal with, and all their training, qualification and experience and fees.

The site shows which counsellors are registered/accredited with a professional body, and full profiles are only displayed after insurance and qualification documents are checked or membership with a professional body has been verified.

We hope the site can solve the situation like our friend had. It’s hard enough deciding to undertake counselling, and who wants extra hassle of trying to find a counsellor? The site has also become a huge information bank – there are articles written by the counsellors, as well as comprehensive information on all kinds of distress – from depression to eating disorders to abuse, to help people identify their problems and become informed, not scared.

We’ve heard from many people who have found the site invaluable, reducing the amount of stress and worrying that can contribute to an already difficult enough process.
http://www.counselling-directory.org.uk

Grief Counselling Directory UK

2010-06-01T09:36:00.008-05:00

Grief is a different experience for everyone, and there are no right and wrong ways of dealing with it. Often the ‘cycle of loss’ is evident in someone who has experienced a loss – feelings of denial, loneliness, anger, grief, and finally, letting go. But of course, it’s not the same for everyone, and whilst some people may take weeks or months to move through the process, others may take years.

Being such a personal, unique ordeal, it’s hard to find a universal way to help those going through it. But no matter what other methods the sufferer finds comforting, there is one that is undoubtedly essential and important for everyone – talking. Bottling things up and burying feelings will only lead to more problems further down the line, and the grief will never be fully dealt with.

It may take some time for the bereaved to be able to talk about their feelings – often it can simply be too painful and cause too much hurt. But eventually, in their own time, people will want to open up, and let go of their grief and keep the happy memories.

Often, people are reluctant to talk about their feelings. It can be particularly difficult when relating to bereavement, as it can be hard to find someone to turn to who is also not dealing with the same bereavement, and someone who can provide enough support.

Who to speak to is important, and affects how the bereaved goes through the cycle of loss. Sometimes a stranger can provide more help and support than those nearest and dearest.
Counselling offers a non-judgemental, safe and relaxing environment to discuss problems and feelings out loud, with the help of a trained professional. Underlying issues can be exposed and dealt with, and grief and all its associated feelings can be released.

The counsellor works with what their client tells them, dealing with the issues central to the grief, and offering practical solutions to working through the most difficult days and coming out the other side. They can also help the person adjust to their life without their loved one in it.
Depression can often develop after grief, and a counsellor is able to identify this and take measures to either try and prevent it or deal with it.

Counselling can also help with what happens after grief – coming to terms with how life has changed for those left behind, and how to honour the memory but not become hung up on it. Mourning can, in some cases, develop into depression, and a counsellor will be able to detect if this is happening, or prevent it.

Dealing with grief is one of the hardest experiences a person will have to go through. But there are people on hand to help, and though many people have reservations, counselling can be a hugely helping healing and cathartic process.

Counselling Directory (http://www.counselling-directory.org.uk/) provides an easy, worry-free way of connecting those that need help with those that provide it. Simply type in a location and a list of counsellors in the area are displayed, showing the distance from the original location. Each counsellor has their own profile, detailing at bit about themselves, their qualifications, and what areas they deal with. Many counsellors also list their fees. There is then the option to contact the counsellor directly.

To find a counsellor in your area, (UK) as well as information about grief and other types of distress, go to: http://www.counselling-directory.org.uk/

The Process of Grief Recovery

2009-05-22T10:59:00.002-05:00

To successfully manage your grief recovery you will need a straightforward program that addresses all aspects of the experience of major loss. The suffering of intense physical and emotional reactions will require specific actions on your part to counteract their effects and help you heal. Grief recovery can proceed along a variety of lines as long as they address all of its important requirements.

When we first hear about the death of a loved one we usually experience shock and dismay. A personal tragedy such as death can send our body and mind reeling from the impact of the news. Accepting this reality may take some time, because such harsh news is difficult to absorb.

Our immediate reality is confused by the influx of details, family, funeral arrangements and other practical matters. People describe themselves as feeling robotic during this, getting things done while living in a state of unreality. This shock response can persist through this period you are dealing with various practical arrangements.

When the services are over and family and friends have moved on, we are left with our feelings and emotions about the loss. Grief recovery can start now as we face what is emerging from the inside. Feelings of anxiety, loss and depression will start to surface and demand attention. The need for some form of grief recovery action looms in front of us. It is time to deal with our own heartfelt reactions.

It's time to face the music, so to speak. The thoughts and feelings that were previously held back now make their way forward into awareness. Previous experience with loss may help, but each incident will have its own variations. We have raw emotions to deal with, and perhaps associated confusion if this is all unfamiliar to us. We begin to realize the enormity of the task ahead and the need for help.

Medical help is a good option for our grief recovery in the short term. The effects of sleep deprivation, overwhelming anxiety or deep depression can be mitigated by physician prescribed medications. Your mind, body and emotions have received a severe shock and may require this intervention to help you settle down. Do not try and tough this out, you will only prolong your suffering.

Over the long term, grief recovery options may include joining a support group, seeing a therapist and/or acquiring helpful books and audio resources. If you feel strong enough, a good book resource may be all that is required. Experiencing your emotions, you will discover, becomes the key to your emotional healing.

Grief resources such as books and audios will list the stages of grieving and what the process may be like in general. Well developed resources always include a program with some step by step guidelines. The best recovery resources address all areas of your grief recovery and will include poetry and music recommendations to enhance the emotional aspect of recovery. Dealing with feelings and emotions delivers the best results in the shortest amount of time.

Adding elements such as poetry and music to a grief recovery program will help gain that central focus on your emotions. These additional dimensions focus your recovery on this central component, your heart and feeling center. Combining your motivation with the right resources will guarantee that your grief recovery will proceed in a timely fashion, by which we mean weeks and months, as opposed to years.

Grief Recovery Stages

2009-05-22T10:56:00.001-05:00

The stages of Grief Recovery are not the same as Kubler-Ross' Stages of Death and Dying. After working with terminally ill individuals for several years she came up with 1) denial, 2) anger, 3) bargaining, 4) depression and 5) acceptance as typical reactions to the diagnosis. These have nothing to do with the grief recovery process even though they are often confused as such. In this article I aim to clearify what the grief recovery stages truly are.

In reviewing the available material from various Mental Health Associations and my own 25 years of experience helping individuals, couples and families deal with Grief and Loss, I can offer the following stages of Grief Recovery. These coincide well with our current understanding of the bereavement process and what grieving individuals actually go through. In this article I aim to clear up a long standing area of confusion.

1) Shock and Numbness: Upon hearing about the sudden death of a close loved one we experience a sense of shock followed by feelings of numbness. Our mind has trouble grasping and absorbing the meaning of this news. Our body seems to temper the shock by going numb. None of this is conscious, but simply a reaction to the bad news. Feeling disoriented for a while we often find we can't deal with the simplest of challenges. Some have described this as a "dream state" where everything feels surreal. Dealing with funeral arrangements and other functional issues becomes a matter of going through the motions.

2) Disorganzation and Disintegration: As the shock of losing a loved one begins to taper off we are now faced with feelings of grief and loss. Emotional disintegration and temporarily "falling apart" are common as the shock hits home with full force. We feel the impact of the loss now and our emotions reacgt accordingly. There may be physical symptoms that affect sleep and appetite. These should be taken up with your family doctor. Emotional feelings such as anxiety, consfusion, depression and anger may now arise, depending on what our relationship to the deceased involved. Breaking down periodically may occur without notice. Our body and feeling nature are just trying to release stress, while our conscious mind has been sidelined.

3) Bereavement and Grief Recovery: Moving past all those initial reactions lands you in the heart of grief recovery and bereavement. You are feeling the loss on many levels now and begin looking for resources to help you through. Grief books, audio books, CD programs, poetry and music all have a place here. Going to a counselor or joining a support group are equally valuable options. There is no need to be alone. Facing grief recovery means facing your feelings and that's where the pain lies. For this stage find a good grief recovery book and pick a group of additional resources that appeal to you. Your grief recovery will move along quickly as a result.

4) Reintegration / Coming back Together: You've been working through your bereavement and grief recovery using all available resources. Help in the form of counseling, support groups, books and related materials have helped guide you throught the process. Dealing with emotions and feelings has begun to pay off. You're feeling like your old self more and more with each passing day. Emotional breakdowns are far and few between. When they do come they are short-lived because you deal with them efficiently. You realize your life has been changed and you've had to change to meet the new challenge. Nothing is the same after a loved one dies but we can move on. As the hurt fades away you realize that your love for them remains strong in your heart.

As you can see these 4 stages of grief recovery are not the same as the Kubler-Ross designations. There are some similarities but the differences are quite stark. What you go through in grief recovery and bereavement is not the same as what an individual with a terminal diagnosis has to face. Bereavement results from the loss of a loved one, through murder, suicide, accident or illness and may involve the loss of a parent, child, spouse, friend or life partner. I have dealt with all of these losses so I know on a personal level that these stages make sense.

Now that we've reviewed the 4 principal stages of grief recovery a few recommendations are in order. 1) Start with a good grief resource, such as a book or audio book. Make sure it offers a step by step guide for dealing with your feelings because this is where healing takes place. Such a resource will be available to you 24/7. 2) Join a grief support group in your area. This helps normalize your grieving experiences and eliminates the feeling that you are alone in these circumstances. Local churches and community centers usually sponsor such groups year round.

3) If a local group is not an option, consider joining an online Grief Support Network where you can post your story, receive support from others in grief recovery and provide support in return. This provides a sense of community during the grief recovery period and re-emphasizes that you are not alone. 4) And finally, see a therapist if your grief reactions are so overwhelming you feel you can't function. Follow these steps to grief recovery and your bereavement will be over before you know it.

Counseling during Grief Recovery

2009-05-22T10:45:00.001-05:00

Back in my practice days I saw many individuals who were suffering the effects of grief and loss after having lost a close loved one. This could include a friend, spouse, child, partner, parent or other relative who had passed on suddenly due to illness or accident. Occasionally I was presented with a couple where one of them had recently received a terminal illness diagnosis and only had months to live. All of these situations were particularly traumatic in their own way.

These couples, with the terminally ill partner, needed to work through feelings about their situation and the practical steps necessary to prepare for the inevitable. The terminally ill partner seemed to have an easier time with the process once they had accepted the reality of their death. When my brother-in-law was diagnosed with terminal cancer, I witnessed the same effects taking place for he and my sister. Broadly speaking, it was always the surviving partner that had the toughest time.

When it comes to grief counseling, no matter what the external circumstances, the goal was always to Listen! As a grief recovery counselor, this meant identifying the feelings behind the words so that this part of the client's experience could be relfected back to them. I would say things like: "So what you're feeling is scared, angry, depressed and/or sad." With each reflection I would ask them to check inside to see if what I'd offered was accurate. More often than not I was right. That began their introduction to listening to their own feelings.

Then I would instruct them to pay attention to that particular feeling and tell me more about it. They would then describe their feelings in detail along with whatever physical reactions might be attached to it. Tears would begin to flow as they related the physical and emotional reactions they were experiencing. This was the essence of my counselling approach for persons in grief, no matter what the precipitating circumstances.

Sometimes grieving individuals would want to know about Stages and other matters they had heard about in relation to grief, and I would just steer them back to their feelings. Once they realized that this was more important, it became easier for them to go there themselves and accept that sharing, feeling and crying were in their best interest. After a few sessions of working with their feelings the process became more acceptable. Many of these individuals would later report that keeping in touch with their feelings had many advantages and helped them with other aspects of their life.

Externals, such as stages, theories, charts and graphs can help illustrate important points about a particular experience or grief event. These make for good news reporting and the plethora of self-help books available today. Grief recovery resources and counseling focus on Internals such as emotions, feelings and associated physical reactions. They focus on our Heart and Feeling center because that is where we experience the quality of our life and the pain of a major loss.

Once an individual becomes engaged in the process of "looking in" they have a new tool with which to manage their life. Journaling, writing letters to the deceased, listening to soothing music and reading grief related poetry will put you in touch with Your Heart, and that's where healing takes place.

A well written grief recovery book can become an excellent counselling companion as long as it is designed to put you in touch with your feelings. A fully narrated grief resource can take you even further. Since the feelings associated with grief and bereavement are so intense, youre practically there. Just a little push and the guidance counselling resource book and youre on your way. For most of us, all we need is Permission to Feel. Our heart and soul will take it from there because we have engaged our body and feeling natures innate healing capability.

With any recovery process there can be many distractions along the way. In the case of grief recovery these can come in the form of stages, charts and graphs that are intellectually interesting but have no value in terms of your recovery. Most religions, even though well-intentioned, fall short on this matter as well. A good grief recovery resource, counselor or support group can help you focus on the heart of the matter which is your feeling nature. Externals, even when interesting, can detract you from the task at hand - healing your broken heart.

This has been a brief overview of what grief recovery counseling, via a professional therapist or well-crafted grief resource, can provide. We reviewed why externals can detract from the process and why a program that focuses on your emotions and feelings is the key to a successful recovery. By applying these tools you will come to a point where thinking about your loss seldom brings you to tears. As the grief wound heals, what you are left with is the love in your heart. As Martha Stewart would say: "And that's a good thing."

Share Your Losses

2007-01-18T12:16:00.000-05:00

You know you shouldn’t overlook the possibility that life is planned in just such a way as to cause you grievance when you least expect it. It happens often that, at the worst possible moment, another loss occurs, one we hadn’t anticipated or prepared for. READ MORE . . .

What Do I Do Now?

2007-01-07T16:01:00.000-05:00

We find ourselves looking in on the waiting area of a hospital ward. A father is speaking to his children. He is telling them the sad news that their mother has just died. He is anxious and upset and has great difficulty with the words. The children, three of them, are looking at him in total bewilderment. Angela, the eldest, is sixteen years old. Anthony is the youngest; he is twelve years old. And Monica, she is the middle child, just turned fourteen . . . READ MORE .

Where Life Flows

2007-01-06T14:51:00.000-05:00

Now when you’re alone at night
Do you prefer to fuss or fight?

Hell hath no fury as a human scorned
Stripped away, by death adorned

Cause you knew better than to light up
your life . . . READ MORE . . .

First There Must Be Sadness

2007-01-06T14:46:00.000-05:00

Remember when you were young
Oh what sadness did to you then
Took you all apart didn’t it?
That was the way it was back when

Yes, sadness takes you out of your self
Into a world where other creatures dwell
Like anger, hurt or despair . . . READ MORE . . .

A Very Little Lamb

2006-12-05T21:59:00.000-05:00

There once was a lamb who was so small that one had to get down on their knees to get a close look at him. He hovered so near to the ground that oftentimes people came very close to trampling him. One day, while the lamb was grazing on some luscious grass, a man came walking by and nearly stepped on him. The lamb, we’ll call him Oscar, spoke up just in time and shouted:

READ MORE . . .

My Story

2006-12-04T11:36:00.000-05:00

I’ve been writing these kinds of stories for about ten years now. I started handing them out to clients in my therapy practice to see how they would react. Their responses were typically positive. Those in grief knew right away how their loss had affected them and they reported finding comfort here in these words.
READ MORE . . .

Growing Through Grief

2006-11-30T16:37:00.000-05:00

Let’s begin by taking you on a journey through Time. Time is like the envelope for your life. Your Life is the letter. You place yourself inside of Time and you mail yourself to God. Along the way you forget where you are going. Events on the path remind you, but the messages often appear fragmented and unclear.
READ MORE . . .

How Difficult is Grief?

2006-11-24T13:50:00.000-05:00

“How difficult is grief?” you ask. As difficult as climbing a mountain perhaps, or worse yet, crossing a stormy sea? These are events to remember, aren’t they? Well, for certain they are. Such events are quite dramatic, as is the case with grief which takes us out of ourselves and tosses us about like a sea going ferry caught in a storm. These do capsize at times . . . READ MORE . . .

What You Need

2006-11-22T10:59:00.000-05:00

Can you imagine not living your life to the fullest in view of what’s happened here now? A tragedy has struck that opens you up to all kinds of possibilities. Those that stand out, leap to the front of the line. In the rear would be those that are not so satisfying, nor . . .
READ MORE . . .

Grieving Our Losses

2006-11-21T11:22:00.000-05:00

What is it about Grief & Loss that upsets us so much? Is it the heavy duty emoting that we have to do to get through our suffering? Is it the fear we have about opening ourselves to all this pain? Because, let’s face it, it’s hard down there, in the land of grieving where all those emotions toss us around like a cork on a stormy sea.

READ MORE . . .